Status: Single

I feel liberated!

Awesomeness n_n

Beautiful movie + beautiful song = awesomeness : )

A visit from the past...

I definitely did not expect that he would be here for Christmas.
Now, I'm just trying to make use of the time he has left here...
Things are pretty different now... maybe a lot of it is because
I'm no longer the infatuated freshman that I was while he was going to
school here... haha... ummm... but these past couple of days have been
very good... I have gotten more than what I had expected from
spending time with him...

Quite oddly, something about him still makes my stomache tingle...
and when his name is mentioned, it still causes my cheeks to turn into
a pinkish hue... This is rather childish, but maybe a little bit of
that freshman girl is still somewhere in me...

Hamborjer

Hmmm...
I GOT MY PERMIT!!!
YAYNESS!!! I know it is totally lame because
a permit really doesn't compare
to a real license... but still yay! n_n I get to
drive a car. Today, I drove for a total of 4 hours
with my dad... well, not four hours straight...
I drove with my dad 2 hours in the morning and 2
hours in the afternoon... I dreaded the morning drive.
The road that I drove on was filled with rocks and
potholes... It was really bumpy... and my dad was
not exactly impressed with my ability to run into
almost all the potholes on the road... neither was
he impressed by my ability to not stay on the
center of the road... It was funny to see him cringe
every time I ran into the branches of the tagangan
trees... but at the same time I didn't enjoy the quick
warnings he would give me to turn to the right or
turn to the left...

Fortunately, late in n the afternoon, my dad and
I drove to Marpi to drive on smoother
roads... It was actually pleasant... I had not realized
how much time I have not spent with my dad, until today
really... Since I entered high school, the bond that
my dad and I had when I was younger began to weaken...
I do not exactly know why... I guess I just began to
think that I didn't have enough time..... but I applied
that realization to the wrong people... I mean,
school and work are important... very important indeed...
but family and friends are not obligations... they are
our citadel... they are our comfort in times of stress
and they are the people we share those special moments of joy
with, which makes me wonder how in the world could I
have ever said that I do not have time to do this
or do that with parents?

Maybe it's because I'm a senior... and I realize
that I will be leaving my home pretty soon...
or maybe it's because right now that it is Christmas vacation
all I have is time on my hands to realize what I have
missed out on... I thought that it was my parents simply
nagging when they would frequently remind me that I
never spend enough time with the family or that I spend
too much time at work or school... but really, they were
simply trying to do what I have just realized today... and
that is to appreciate and enjoy the time with the people
you love and who love you back... I mean that is what
Christmas is all about... It's the season of Joy and Love.

I think that we get all caught up on finding ways to
make enough money to buy this grand gift for our
love ones, but we easily forget that a time spent on
making those extra bucks does not compare to the
time we spend with that actual person... maybe, that
is why Christmas seems so far away... I suppose, with
our island's current economic condition and with the lay off
of 400 government employess, this holiday season is
discouraging to a lot of families... but Christmas is
not based on the material gifts... it's so easy to forget
that the best gift we can give is stored within us...
our love for one another cannot be duplicated, but we can
give so much of it... It may sound cliche, but maybe if
we said Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays to more strangers
they would go home with a little bit more spirit and a
little bit more motivation to spread the holiday Joy.

So pass on the Christmas Spirit!!! Christmas is only 5 days
away!

Happy Holidays to everyone!!!!

(I know this is random... but the guy on the following videos is hilarious!)

Happy, Happy Joy Joy!

YAY! It's finally Christmas vacation!!!
I managed to survive through the dreaded
finals week... Well, actually I'm not
really on Christmas vacation til 12:00 p.m.
today... I'm still working -_-...
But it's all good! n_n I'm finally starting
to feel the Christmas joy and spirit that
I had longed to find since the beginning of
December... I think a lot of it had to do
with the dance I attended last night, which
I give thanks to taylor for inviting me to.
Yesterday, I began my day with such a
melancholy attitude... and it eventually progressed
towards depression... haha... then by 7:00 p.m.
after I got out of work, I came to life
after attending the youth dance... It was
definitely a different feel from the dances
I'm used to (in a good way)... It was fun
without the cuss words and hmm... touchiness
I suppose... hahaha... but I had a blast...
My wifey left to Korea, even luis, and tomo's
plane departs tonight... quite sad... I'm going
to miss them over Christmas vacation. I haven't
accomplished much today, except sending my
e-mail to ayaka, but I figured that by posting
something new on my blog I'd feel just a teeny
bit more accomplished... heehee...
Well, I hope everyone enjoys their Christmas vacation n_n

Barbie dolls

A social environment can effortlessly devour a
genuine individual into nothing greater than
the plastics that everyone so claims they would
never want to become...





I am not referring to conforming to the plasticity
of literally stitching and inputting plastic
in one's body... I am simply releasing my
frustration from my repeated observation of
social conformity based on the hierarchical system
that is unspokenly ruling and manipulating the
minds of individuals that were once free thinkers...
As much as we'd hate to admit, there are times
when our opinions pledge its loyalty to the opinions
of the mass... There's no fault in that, but
it is rather agitating to see actions that perform
everything that conflicts what the mouth speaks.

Although, most high school students are inclined to
agree with the majority (with disregard to the feelings
and thoughts of the people that do not approve with
the mass), it is puzzling to see one pledge their loyalty
to their heart and conduct actions that conflict with
the very values they preach about...

The key term here is hypocrisy.

People are entitled to freely express and conduct
their values, regardless if it is ever changing or not,
but a hypocrite that continually condemns the actions
of an individual that practices hypocrisy has no right
at all to judge... We are all hypocrites, but there has
to be some self-recognition of where our loyalty lies,
our heart or the majority.

Happy Holidays!!!

This is by the far my most favorite fashion show of the year... so I decided to share it with ya'll.

Sabishii

Never need, never depend, never rely...

There are misconceptions in pursuing a stable
and happy relationship... now, this entry
is not meant to advice or create specific guidelines
for attaining complete Nirvana with your boyfriend or
girlfriend because such guidelines do not exist...
My intentions are merely to expand on a thought that
I had in mind while I was walking around NMC today...

There's a big difference between telling someone that
you 'need' them and that you 'want' them...
Often, the usage of need and want are
adjoined to describe one's feelings towards another...

BUT THERE IS A HELLA BIG DIFFERENCE!!!

It is a deprivation of self-sufficiency, not to mention
degrading, to submit to these very words, 'I need
_____.' Infatuation has a way of manipulating our
mind to believe that our happiness is founded by the
words of 'i love you' and show of affection from the
other individual. In truth, this 'true love' that we
all seek is rarely in accordance with the strong
dependence of the presence of another individual...
Needing a person will never bring about pure and
unconditional love...


But wanting... wanting is something completely different...
A 'want' for a person establishes what stable relationships
are founded by and that is committment. From
personal expirience, I have foolishly interrelated the usage of
the two words, which cluttered the purpose of my pursuit
with the other individual.

Self-sufficiency is admirable indeed. A woman that
possesses such characteristics completes herself. It
denudes her from 'needing' him because she is everything
she wants to be...


Coco Chanel


Katherine Hepburn


Audrey Hepburn

Returning from a long departure...

I'm feeling the lack of cyber communication... so i decided to blog today n_n
Hmmm... well, the stresses from college applications have faded just a bit, after I submitted my UW application... but I am not complete with the college application process... I have several more schools to apply to before I can truly rest and drown in the bliss of senioritis : )... heehee...
Speaking of bliss... I have spent this whole month just reminiscing and I guess if I were to put it in cynical terms... rather pitying myself...
I mean, a certain amount of self-pity is sufficient for mending... but I find it quite awing when I meet people who simply laugh off the pains and angers in life...

'The more you care the more you hurt...'

Sadly, this is true in almost all occasions... nothing can be painful, unless we ourselves agree to submit to the consequences of loving another...
And I realized that is were the true beauty of love originates... Love is beautiful because those who fall into it submit all their emotions in risk of receiving emptiness in return... (Maybe this is the emotional side of me blabbering on endlessly of the cliche lessons that we have all heard and we ourselves have come to learn about)... but the most beautiful pieces of literature and music originate from the pangs of heartache and disappointment...



The word love is frequently thrown around to meet the satisfaction of that one of many moments when everything in the world seems to be in perfect unity with the universe and everything that resides within it, which makes it all the more painful to face the reality of it all... That the whole 1 year and a half that I have comitted was in the pursuit of pure nothingness.

I love you should not be simply said out of the need to find words to describe that split second of happiness... love is meant to be everlasting... it is that aspect of love that keeps it pure and clean...

But love that has transformed into hate and anger is no longer love... it leads me to conclude that it was never love to begin with, but merely another teenage infatuation... why must immaturity rule these powerful emotions?!?!?

An Old Poem

Fallen Angels

The boots they come after the rain has gone;

Bright and full of color like the face of the sun.

The simple tapping of the children's feet

As they pass through the puddles of wet streets.

Splitter splatter just like the rain

These notes are carried on down the building's drain

The sap of the tree rings the joy of the rain

That has befallen on this land

The renewal and the joy as people walk hand in hand

Pit pat, pit pat, pit pat nature rejoices with a grin

Like the tapping tail of Serena's fin

A splat and a splitter and silence in between

Of the gift that has turned the trees green

And brought serenity just below heaven

Oh its lively patting is a leaven

To the hard ground that it befalls

It's the song from heaven that calls

And falls and falls and falls

To bring life back to the people below...

Unsettled thoughts...

Sometimes being direct is not enough... and sometimes a simple poem is enough to rejuvinate my spirits...

Simple strings of sunlight glimmer
Through my bedroom window,
Reminding me to live this day anew.
The flickering silence of the still morning
Whisper the words of my restless past...
These footsteps echoe the voice screaming
In the back of my mind beseeching that
I will never forget...
Never forgive...
Never rest....
But the morning dew
That softly trickles and rests
On the living land
Cascades silence over my thoughts,
Absorbing the thrombing pain of
The unfinished melody of our song...
The somber tune of the pianist
Preaches the lesson of the hermit
That forever remained in solitude
'til the earth swallowed him whole;
Forever blindfolded by his despair
To see the hope that the trickling rays
Of the sun brings to every pupil...
'So our dear Friend',
Whispered the Dews,
'We symbolize the hope that can be unearthed
From the deepest disappointments
Of unrequitted love.'


The strings of morning light glimmer through my window
Waking me from the dream that was once engraved in my past...

"Girls need attention and boys need us... so let's make everybody glad" ; )

I'm quite addicted to this song and it is quite fitting for my current feelings towards a particular situation...



Reasons to Love you By: Meiko

I hope you enjoyed it... heehee

Out of Words...

A Capsule for this Frenzy

Little droplets, tiny droplets
Close companions of mine
Ringing words, ticking clock
In thin air you sublime

Dancing, prancing droplets
My companion in solitude
Suffocating sorrow
A parade for the little dews

Little pearls, precious pearls
Valuing more than the hermit
Little droplets, evanescent jewels
You circulate my grief

Carnivorous words… Silence
Then a gasp of hysteria
Little droplets, tiny droplets
Encapsulating this frenzy

Worse than an addiction...

Hmm... I haven't been maintaining my blogger account... I've been investing most of my time on myspace... doing what? well, accomplishing absolutely nothing... I seriously need to re-collect myself... The other day, Mr. Flores told me that I have to start studying for Calculus... that pretty much told me that I was not fulfilling my duty as a student. On my last Political science test, I managed to barely pass... hmmm... I've been procrastinating a lot... yep, I've got senioritis bad. Oh ya, and I believe it was three days ago when totally ditched Japanese class. I haven't really been a good student. I suppose the distractions that come with I don't know... trying to maintain a "forbidden love"... has taken almost everything from me... I mean, love isn't love without sacrifices... and, "why would I ever think of sacrificing my parents love and trust for me?"... "for him", is that answer good enough... I, of course, love my parents more...duh!... but I apparently can't have both... and not freely being able to be with him, puts me in a miserable position... This is worse than an addiction...

Confessions of a hypocrite...

"We have failed to practice ourselves the kind of behavior we expect from others..."

So often do I find myself criticize and pass judgment on other's behaviors... and so often do I hear others point out the imperfections of another person... One unifying factor of the previous situation mentioned is its irony... We condemn people we declare "close-minded"... and yet, we ourselves agree to the worst form of social hostility, which is alienation, by simply creating a group generalization of another individual and convincing others to agree with our judgment... and I am afraid I have fallen into that dark pool of prejudice and close-mindedness... Its true that we won't like every person we meet along the way, but they deserve respect... They deserve the respect that we would demand from others when they judge us based on little or no knowledge of our true selves... Why must we allow the majority to manipulate our judgment as an individual?... The feeling of not being wanted is most surely unpleasant... As much as we might differ from our closest relatives or a mere passerby on the streets, we are all similiar in that we all seek a certain amount of acceptance. We might not like every person we meet, but we are all capable of comitting a certain amount of respect for each other (whether we are in front or behind their back).

"If a man loses pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music in which he hears, however measured, or far away."
-Henry David Thoreau

Bleh...

Lately, gray clouds have been settling over our little island, which has resulted to the frequent drizzles and cool temperature... Although the temperature has been more bearable than the hot heat, the weather has made me feel so -------- bleh... Maybe it was my outfit today? (I mean wearing a full on black outfit on an island is quite odd... and it just so happens that wearing too much black usually have people stereotypically associate that person as an emotionally distressed being, which I may I add I am not!)... Of course, I do break down and I do have my self-pitied phases, but who doesn't??? The weather has been so gloomy these days... but at least there was no thunderstorm this evening... Last night was MASSIVE! I have a phobia of lightening and thunder... I really can't stand it... I do hope that tomorrow's weather is more cheerful... I've discovered that the weather has affected my moods, but these days whatever mood I am in I am stuck in senioritis mode... I just can't concentrate!!! I fear not getting anything done, but I am always so tired and distracted these days... I also miss hanging out with my friends... I've been busy with work and school (I'm not even sure if I should have taken the other tutoring job at the math department... I hope it won't cause an overload in my schedule)... I mean I see the NMAers everyday, but it's usually during class, lunch or work... It would be nice to hang out away from school at least once every week, but we all have our obligations to fulfill for school and our other responsibilities... I'm sure that next semester we'll be able to see more of each other... especially when college applications are done... but as for now, I look forward to a more cheerful weather tomorrow : )